OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize