he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
