Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize