white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Everything about him screamed your future.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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