We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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