you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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