I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
