Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
