My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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