I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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