I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
