Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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