either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
