Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
