take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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