hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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