I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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