Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
