i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
