she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize