We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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