If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
