Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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