dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
