dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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