the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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