Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
