ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
