i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
