Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
