oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want her autograph on my taint
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize