dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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