I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
