U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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