ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
