This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize