I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
