I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just blew my weed a kiss
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
