"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
