You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
