We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
