Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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