He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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