Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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