puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This house was built for laser tag.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
