I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
