actually, I'm a sock model
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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