i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
