nut hugger
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
