I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize