i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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