That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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