evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
