Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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