Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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