Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
