I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
