I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
