I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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