And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
