Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
