that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
