You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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