on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
