Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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