mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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