My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
