and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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