If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
