Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
