funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
