I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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