Me too!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
