Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
