Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
