Sry I called you an 8
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
