remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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