Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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