Jerry, you need to find god
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
