Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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