Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
