i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
