either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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