I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
