ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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