You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Congratulations! We have a period
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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