Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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