we have officially lost it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
