Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
