My underwear smells like fireworks.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
