So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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