Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
