I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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