How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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