I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize