All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
...so i touched it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
