you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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