Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
