Nicole vs. Life
kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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