TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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