You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
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