I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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