got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
