k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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