I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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