Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
