Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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